President Paul Biya celebrates 80th birthday

• Cameroon's octogenarian leader celebrated turning 80 with family and close friends
• Clutching a bouquet of roses, Mr Biya said he felt "ox-strong" and 80 was the new 40
• Thanked Cameroonians for their support throughout his uncontested three decade rule

The low key affair which took place on the 13th February at Unity Palace gave the public a rare glimpse into the private life of Mr Biya and his rather modest surroundings at the presidential abode.
Set in a Valentine's Day theme, the brash party décor was no doubt a reminder to the all important fact  Mr Biya was born on Valentine's Day Eve, lest we forget. 

A close aide from Unity Palace who wished to remain anonymous said the presidential duo had wanted something discreet without the hallmarks of an over indulgent wealthy family trapped in a gaudy display of their ill acquired riches.

The gigantic five tier cake with  two red hearts etched at the front stood on a table adorned with huge bouquets of red roses and pink petals. Large golden candles rested on either side and in case you forgot how old the octogenarian truly was, a blue candle with the number 80 stood atop the cake.

Mr Biya  and his red roses. Forget wearing your heart on your sleeve, Mr Biya's is on the table

The presidential couple showed their frivolous side in this dire economic times as the golden candles used for Mr Biya's birthday cake were recycled from the First Lady's birthday celebrations back in December.

A recession dip celebration as recycled candles from Chantal Biya's  birthday back in December were used

The couple are flanked by their children Brenda (L) and Paul Jr (R)

Real men don't give roses, they receive them

The modest surroundings of Unity Palace

President Paul Biya addresses Cameroonians on Yaounde killings

The spate of gruesome attacks on young girls in Cameroon's capital has prompted the president to hold an emergency conference with government officials addressing the issue.

President Biya  was consumed with emotions as he addressed Cameroonians

Yaounde has been thrown in a state of panic and wide alert over the past fortnight as mutilated corpses of girls as young as 15-years, have been dumped on the streets. Fears of ritual killings have shocked the vibrant city as these bodies have had body parts such as eyes, genitals,breasts, etc removed.

In a speech to the nation addressing distressed Cameroonians, President Biya promised to track those behind such "vile" attacks and to "treat them like the dogs they are." The president cast a forlorn shadow as he pledged emphatically to Cameroonians such heinous crimes will not  go unpunished. Racked by emotions, Mr Biya paused from time to time to wipe a tear which occasionally fell on his perspired glistened cheeks. Borrowing the words of  British Prime Minister David Cameron, Mr Biya assured Cameroonians "We are all in this together."

President Biya's speech on Yaounde ritual killings:

"Our country is in  mourning. When I heard the news of the attacks on these vulnerable young girls I instantly thought about my own daughter. As a parent, I was filled with indescribable sorrow at their  young lives cut so short.
"Learning of the horrors inflicted on their bodies left me with a feeling of distraught and a sadness which still tugs at my heart. I cannot understand how such corrupt criminals live amongst us. Such wickedness in mankind. Have we no  love for our own people we treat them like common stray dogs?
"What will possess one to act in such a cold calculated way towards a fellow human being? A defenceless young girl? I have asked myself these questions over and over again with no answers.
" My heart goes out to the affected families and I want to assure you we shall track those behind these vile attacks and treat them like the dogs they are. They shall not go free.
"You are not alone. We are all in this together. All of Cameroon mourns with you."

Accompanied by the First Lady Chantal Biya, the presidential duo appeared thoroughly shaken at the events. The usually glamorous Mrs Biya looked pale beyond recognition in a faded CPDM kaba (maxi gown) and badly sewn blond greffe (wig) which unashamedly showed her unrelaxed black roots. The contrast between the blond greffe and her charcoal dark roots created a rather unpolished look for a woman widely regarded on the international scene as Africa's First Lady of Fashion.

It is the first time President Biya has addressed the nation over such an incident. He has been accused in the past of being a ghost leader holed up in the anal cavities of France's president or hiding away in his numerous French Châteaux, completely disconnected from the plight of his people. However Mr Biya appears to prove his critics wrong as a more compassionate side to him has emerged.

Polls conducted by Cameroon's reliable news sources placed him firmly in favour with most Cameroonians who feel they have never had a better president, given the multitude of presidents the country has had.

Study for FREE in London with a two year Masters in Social Work bursary

A list of professions eligible for a bursary similar to what nurses receive has been added on the NHS student bursary website. Now you can have your fees paid for with a living and expenses stipend if you are going to train as a: dietician, chiropodist, physiotherapists, radiographer,speech and language therapists, etc

Check the website here for a range of options available.

To be legible, you need to meet residency requirements.

Cameroonian 'engineer' builds helicopter

A Cameroonian man has made history by becoming the first man to build a helicopter single handedly. Mustafa, from Kumbo- Banso, showed innovative determination in his state of the art zinc designed helicopter.

The Mayor of Kumbo supports Mustapha in his ground breaking achievment to be, as the helicopter is still to do its maiden voyage...off the ground.

Why do black African men (dis) respect black African women?

Why is the black African man discourteous and immodest towards black African women? You show brazen arrogance and lack of respect treating black African women like shoddy inferior beings.

Why do you approach me in a busy Waitrose displaying territorial arrogance- me a customer doing my Saturday shopping, you a security guard/cleaner working in the shop to make connaissance?

I am well dressed and a respectable woman with a busy day ahead. You seek me out amongst the sea of thronging shoppers to make your acquaintance known, smiling like a sheepish fool as you boldly ask: 
"Excuse me where are you from?"

Don't you know it's rude to ask someone you have never met and don't know such a question? Is that your icebreaker? Well it is a feeble one and needs to be revised. Resisting the need to respond with a sarcastic "I am from my mother's womb," I answer your question despite my annoyance at a security guard/cleaner getting so comfortable with customers. I proceed to swiftly move away when you follow me and in another act of insolent audacity, you request that I invite you over and "cook fufu", as that is the "main meal of my people." 

Would you be so forward if I was a white woman? How dare you familiarise yourself with me? On what account? What is your basis? Water seeks its own level.

What goes on in your head when you see me standing by the rainy sidewalk, shielding from the rain with an umbrella- you approach me with such arrogant impudence and say: 

"Kan a jan you unda diya umbralla?" My trained Pidgin English ears pick up your rudimentary English to mean "Can I join you under that umbrella?" Oh goodness gracious me! The sheer effrontery! 

Would you be so forward if I was a white woman? How dare you familiarise yourself with me? On what account? What is your basis? Water seeks its own level.

What demon has possessed you when at a funeral reception we all stand in line making small talk as we wait for our turn to the buffet table; you appear from the back end of the rather long queue and interrupt our discussion with no excuses, introducing yourself as " Mr XYZ, Consultant Cardiologist" and then jump the queue to the buffet table. What kind of educated uneducated moron are you?  Your Doctorship is a leeway to jump a funeral reception food queue? Many of you get degrees without actually getting an education.

Why do you approach me ignoring the ring I have on my wedding finger? Yes I am really engaged/married and in a committed relationship. Why will I be wearing a ring on that finger? Why can't you respect that and stop henpecking me? Why can't you take no for answer when you show interest and I respond with zilch attention? It hurts your ego? What about my wishes? Be a man and respect my wishes. Be a man and respect women.

Why do you get my number through unsolicited means inundating me with text messages? You lie to a mutual friend you had permission to obtain my number. Shocked and angry at such an intrusion into my privacy, I mince no words in telling you off, requesting that you don't contact me. If I really wanted to be in-touch, I would have given you my number. The result: you launch into a tirade of vitriol and abuse advising me to get my head checked.

Why do you approach me at a party and immediately launch a police investigation into my immigration status? As UKBA’s Chief Detective, you ask how long I have lived in the UK, if I have been to other countries, etc. You think I don't know you want to do the maths and add up my resident status so you can eventually plot your way to doki?

Why do you whistle when we walk down the streets belittling us with vulgar remarks and making sexual gestures? Would you want your sister, mother or daughter to be a recipient of such sexual harassment?

Why do you the African black man conduct yourself in such unrefined. caustic, rustic manner? The Ph.D holders to secondary school leavers all morph as one behaving like uncouth louts. You have no etiquette or manners and assume familiarity with all classes. 

Would you be so forward if I was a white woman? How dare you familiarise yourself with me? On what account? What is your basis?

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Divorced Cameroonian women: the social outcast

In an age where tweeting isn't just confined to birds and everyone is an author courtesy of virtual publishing house Facebook, divorce is still a social taboo in Cameroon with women getting the blame and facing the brunt of this unholy act.

Forget breast ironing, child abuse or  FGM;  the real danger to the 21st century Cameroonian woman is divorce. Oh that dreaded word divorcee! Secret whispers swish by as you walk followed by looks of pity, then the disapproving glances from men as used goods or the gracious adjective "Na stronghead woman." In plain English, she's a stubborn mare so beware.

Yes, being a Cameroonian divorcee is what red wine is to a white dress: an obvious embarrassing stain. A grievous sin which can lead to excommunication from social circles at all levels. It is on par with being a loose woman and the village bicycle.

A few weeks ago I was speaking to a friend who bemoaned her social fate of being a divorcee amongst her group of married church going friends- The Faithful Wives. At a social event, as my newly single friend interacted with other bachelors, she unwittingly incurred the wrath of The Faithful Wives. So horrified where they at her boldness to mix freely with other men immediately after the event, a member of The Faithful Wives phoned my friend expressing her disgust and dismay at her socialising with men.
" But I am not married," said my friend.
"Yes I know but it's not right for you to be seen talking to these men." Insisted the Faithful Wife.
"And why is that? I am a single woman. Those men were single. Is there some biblical law which forbids single members of the opposite sex from engaging in conversation with each other?" asked my shocked friend.
The conversation went around in aimless circles much to the annoyance of my friend.
"You should have asked her if she was a pure white rose when she got married," I said.

Needless to say, the committee of Faithful Wives have since distanced themselves from the sinning unholy woman. Whatever will Christ say if he found them socialising with sinners! (This is the same Jesus Christ who dined with outcasts  {Mark 2 :13-17} telling the righteous yet he who hasn't sinned be the first to throw a stone {John 8:4-8})

Cameroonian women remain extremely marginalised in Cameroon despite the plethora of degrees Cameroonians tend to acquire in their pursuit of lifetime education abroad. The Oxford, Cambridge or Princeton graduate gets a degree without an education. They remain steadfast in their primordial primitive misogynist way of thought.
 As they say in Pidgin English, "e go through school but school no pass through e."

Women still get the blame for everything that went wrong in a marriage as she should have "stuck it out for the children." Ironically, staying in a relationship which has run its course is harmful for the children. Getting out is the healthy thing to do for you and the children. You don't go through psychological turbulence for the sake of a happy home. You get out of it to raise your children in a safe and happy environment.
Unless otherwise you wish to pander to the meandering flimsy demands of our rather Neanderthal society with its archaic values, that reprimands divorcees as the lousy woman always at fault; so you stay neck deep in a troubled sinking partnership for keeping up appearances.

Who are you catering to? The Cameroon society and its whimsical demands or your personal health and happiness?  The choice is yours.

Happy Birthday to Chantal Biya, Cameroon's First Lady

Cameroon's golden couple of politics came together this week to celebrate the First Lady turning 42-years old.

Mrs Biya whose magpie sense of glamour is hugely overlooked and should be celebrated in the fashion world, looked demure in a mustard fitted dress. The First Lady of all First Ladies looked an endless fountain of youth as she was surrounded by family to celebrate the joyous occasion.

The diverse mix of ethnic celebrants at the intimate family occasion showed just how ethnically diversified Cameroon. The country is known for its hospitality to foreigners as the government often lets non Cameroonians namely Chinese and Asians trade and invest in the economy up to seven years tax free.

Beaming with child-like glee as she posed with her birthday gifts against the backdrop of two white mammoth Christmas trees decorated elaborately with glittery balls and tinsel, Mrs Biya and her husband looked a perfect picture of harmony.

With a glowing complexion which would put girls half her age to shame, the birthday girl had her natural hair held back in loose curls as she smiled for the cameras; standing by a giant size three tier pink cake normally commissioned by the glamorous brides of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. 

Definitely all money and  class!

Many more years of fruition to the First Lady of First Ladies. Who needs Michelle Obama?