Forget breast ironing, child abuse or FGM; the real danger to the 21st century Cameroonian woman is divorce. Oh that dreaded word divorcee! Secret whispers swish by as you walk followed by looks of pity, then the disapproving glances from men as used goods or the gracious adjective "Na stronghead woman." In plain English, she's a stubborn mare so beware.
Yes, being a Cameroonian divorcee is what red wine is to a white dress: an obvious embarrassing stain. A grievous sin which can lead to excommunication from social circles at all levels. It is on par with being a loose woman and the village bicycle.
A few weeks ago I was speaking to a friend who bemoaned her social fate of being a divorcee amongst her group of married church going friends- The Faithful Wives. At a social event, as my newly single friend interacted with other bachelors, she unwittingly incurred the wrath of The Faithful Wives. So horrified where they at her boldness to mix freely with other men immediately after the event, a member of The Faithful Wives phoned my friend expressing her disgust and dismay at her socialising with men.
" But I am not married," said my friend.
"Yes I know but it's not right for you to be seen talking to these men." Insisted the Faithful Wife.
"And why is that? I am a single woman. Those men were single. Is there some biblical law which forbids single members of the opposite sex from engaging in conversation with each other?" asked my shocked friend.
The conversation went around in aimless circles much to the annoyance of my friend.
"You should have asked her if she was a pure white rose when she got married," I said.
Needless to say, the committee of Faithful Wives have since distanced themselves from the sinning unholy woman. Whatever will Christ say if he found them socialising with sinners! (This is the same Jesus Christ who dined with outcasts {Mark 2 :13-17} telling the righteous yet he who hasn't sinned be the first to throw a stone {John 8:4-8})
As they say in Pidgin English, "e go through school but school no pass through e."
Women still get the blame for everything that went wrong in a marriage as she should have "stuck it out for the children." Ironically, staying in a relationship which has run its course is harmful for the children. Getting out is the healthy thing to do for you and the children. You don't go through psychological turbulence for the sake of a happy home. You get out of it to raise your children in a safe and happy environment.
Unless otherwise you wish to pander to the meandering flimsy demands of our rather Neanderthal society with its archaic values, that reprimands divorcees as the lousy woman always at fault; so you stay neck deep in a troubled sinking partnership for keeping up appearances.
Who are you catering to? The Cameroon society and its whimsical demands or your personal health and happiness? The choice is yours.
4 comments:
You know divorced women are not the only ones who have a plight when it comes to ostracism and snobbery from married couples. My mom is a widow and she told me that other married women treat her differently because she is a widow. She said that whenever she is talking to one of their husbands, the married women would always be monitoring her
Un seul mot Grace;
Wolves in sheep clothing. If no one is gracious to you know that they abide with the law. The devil is the accuser of the brethren. Any accusation are not from God almighty who came to give us Abundant life and not Condemn us. If a Christian condemns you please ignore and forgive for they are still babes. No matter how long they have been in church.
As for ostracizing Widows or single women forgive those women and pray for total restoration in Jesus Name.
One of the reasons for these women being insecure is that as pointed out Most African Men do not take responsibility for their actions. The women have given up and resorted to self effort aka become Tyson/German Shepard.
I rather focus on the word God and pray for my spouse. That both of us be made whole, restored in Jesus name. The Lord give us wisdom in our challenges. Also pray for others who are married and single.
For an unstable marriage is an unstable society.
May the Lord Almighty bring healing and total restoration on married and single persons In Jesus Name.Amen
There is just so much discrimination when one is not 'actively' married, and this comes esp. from married people. That institution is overrated and its paradoxical the way they treat others who arent in it, even those who were once in it. Sad. I'd say everyone shld act accordingly
Gosh I just love this author. Someone who thinks, and out loud too! It doesn't make any sense at all that a woman gets labelled a "stronghead woman" because she thought it better to cut her losses, save her sanity and focus on providing her children with a more emotionally stable environment to grow up in. Women have sold their souls for the title of "Mrs Somebody" and the idea of a successful marriage which according to our community, is the one where the the real vow is for the woman to take all the crap she can get from husband and in-laws till she dies. Personally, I don't think it is a successful marriage if you are staying up every night planning to murder your husband, then have to wake up in the morning to cook for and clean up after him even though he treats you like furniture. Letting children grow up in this torturous commitment should be a crime
Post a Comment